Ikeotuonye was fuming, he was humming and he is downing the 6th Bottle of Castle Stout within 20 minutes.
His Eyes were Red like Iron in Hot Romance with a Furnace, and he wasn't friendly even to his fellow men of The Bar and in a Bar.
When I called him IKEOTUONYE na ENUGWU UKWU, I expected him to return the greeting with IGBAKA IBEYA na Idemmili as we use to, but he looked at me with forlone and bye gone look,then he whispered "Odirom ka odi gi" (I am not in same mood with you).
Good a thing, it wasn't my first Rodeo (Rodeo is an act of Riding a wild Bull), So I calmly ask Nnenna to give me one bottle of HERO with one Bottle Of Water and big Glass..
She serve me as requested , I opened both and empty both in the Jar and drank it to the last drop and ask for another, same pattern and Ikeotuonye stopped, turned and face me with curious admonition, and as I empty same again in same Jar.. He snatched the Jug away and shouted "IGBA KA IBEYA, ogini na emegi?" (What's wrong with you?) .
I Simply left the Seat and drink for him, and move to another Seat, place same Order and, that gave him more concern, as he quit his own drink and came to me with now a concern and he say, Igba whatever is troubling you, let's discuss it and there must be a solution that is not mixed with what you are doing.
Then, I shift my order to the middle of the Table and fold my hands across my Chest and say in return, First come, first Serve..
Let's discuss yours first, then we come down to mine (HE never knew I simply gave him the First page of POLITICAL CONSULTANCY).
He said "That Woman has given birth again and to another Girl, making my house, house of Women, we now have 6 Girls in numbers".
I was still looking at him to make sense and he is done and waiting, I also waited, and he say to me, did you hear what I just said?..
I said yes, but I am waiting for you to make a Point and tell me what is your problem.
He said, is 6 Girls not problem enough to you?.
I stood up, walk to the Bar, made an order, came back and sit without saying anything and within 5 minutes my order arrived and I took it out, remove 2 Tablet of ANTI Malaria Tablet and put them in his hand with Table water and ask him to drink..
He shouted, and demands to know why I gave him Malaria Medicine when he did not complain of one.
I said calmly like a Surgeon who knows he will give you a bill that will shock you and send even the sickness or whatever ailment that is holding the person into cardiac, it is Eithier you are consumed with Malaria or you are outright Stupid was my response..
Now, I have cleared the minds for the teaching and I say to him, between Boy and Girl which one serve better purpose?.
He said that every Igbo man should have a heir that will take over his wealth or inheritance ...
And because I am quick with my Acidic tongue, I said.. Like you inherited your Father's Ogburi Oji ete Ngwo?..
He burst out a laugher that Viberated round the Bar, and tears ran down his cheek.. Because his Father left him only one Palm wine Climbing Rope that was weak and weary, the type that you will use to Climb up and use your back on A free fall to come down.
So I managed to continue with a Poker face and I said to him, is it true that the Last Bathing Soap you imported from China, turned to TELEVISION in your Warehouse?.
He was shocked and he said "what kind of stupid Joke is that?"... I explained that I wasn't Joking, that it was all over the Town..
He said in reaction, can Ugboguru produce Pears?.
I answered Yes, that it can, infact I knew of many men whose wife cooked Egusi with Ice Fish and when they serve the Husband the Soup in a Bowl, the Husband touched it and it changed to OFE ONUGBU WITH SNAIL and TOZO..
He laughed a throaty one and say, it can only happen in dream or in Nollywood ...
Now OKEOTUONYE you have agreed with me that, there is something nasty in the water you drink and air you breathe, as you expected your wife to give birth to boy when what you gave to her is a girl.
His face went scarlet again as he said, see Nkiru her sister, she gave Obinna 4 Boys straight, so how can her sister who I call my wife, not be able to give me Just one Boy, I did not ask for 6 Boys, just one..
I answered, Obinna has a more Conditioned Gonads, not damaged with Alcohol like yours or his Chi simply wants him to have it that way, but listen for I won't say it again..
Every Woman on this Earth has only X Chromosome, and X is known to Produce Girl, but as it is in her body, it is like Hot Water and it is not Tea then, you need to infect or spike it with Beverage for it to become Tea.
(chromosomes in humans (the other is the Y chromosome). The sex chromosomes form one of the 23 pairs of human chromosomes in each cell. The X chromosome spans about 155 million DNA building blocks (base pairs) and represents approximately 5 percent of the total DNA in cells.)
Every man has XY chromosome, the Y in males Chromosome is the one that produces Male child and because we Male believe that Ladies comes first, we even open door for them to go first, even in Church we allow our wives to go ahead and we follow behind, same thing we do before Birth, when a Man release that which is in his waist to the woman, the two EGGS set out to go and meet the X of the wife, then the Y always wait for Ladies which is X go first, but they never knew that the race has only one price and position, so if the X goes out first and meet the other X, you have a Female, then when the Y will finish admiring the movement of the X, he will arrive late and the Door is closed.
Unless some Men who are stubborn and who refuse to accept that Parlance of Ladies first, that's when they move faster and fertilize the X of the woman and a male is produced.
The SEX of a baby is never the call of a woman, if she like, she can sleep in a Night Vigil or Native Doctors house, the Onus and the call is on the Man who has the final say to inject the product of his choice into the Lady.
As I was at this stage, I saw that he is sober and I ask him, now what do you have to say?.
He calmly say, if what you say is truth, which I know you are not giving to telling lies, but this one is Medical and you may have mistaking, but if it is truth, then the Pastors have failed me and many of us, they never told us this, instead they ask us to pray and pay Seed money, child Fixing money, Tithe and many others, that they will pray Male into our wives..
Well, some Pastors are smart traders, they can give you ADAKA na onu ENWE, they are not running the race to Heaven, many Pastors don't even believe that there is a place called Heaven, they simply use Pulpit as scamming ground, where they invest every muscle in thier body to preach about Prosperity, they don't care about how many people that makes heaven for they need many familiar faces that will escort them to Hell.
Also many don't know anything about Marriage counseling and they don't want those who are superior in such to teach the congregation because they fear that such will expose thier own flaws in marriage.
Finally, Dear, if there is complaint on Sex of your baby, it is not in the hands of your Wife or Pastor, it is in your hands.. Your wife is like Fridge, what you put inside she will make Cold and bring it out chilled, if you put Coke in her fridge, do not start barking like EKE UKE that you want CRICOT in place of the Coke you inserted.
Pastors can never help you into such prayers without asking you to sow Seed and because You are stupid, you sow..
As if your Father bought you from Supermarket.
Having said the above, I left him still pondering and went out to have a light Dinner of Yam Porridge mixed with OKRA SOUP, garnished with Egusi Soup and a little Onugbu Soup with Ice Fish, Kpomo, Intestines and light Stock Fish.
Truly Life is vanity, also it doesn't have PART 2,so this Part 1, I will make it worth all the While.
No comments:
Post a Comment