Saturday with the Youths..

 GROOM vs BRIDEGROOM, separating Facts from Metaphor by Obele Nwa Mpa Nnukwu.

I have tried to understand the reason why we have many failed marriages in Nigeria of today, comparing with the days of our Father's. 

I discovered many flaws, especially ones that should be attributed to Parents of both Bride and Groom, idiocy of Peers, comparison that leads to Comatose.

 But the hard truth is the one between the Groom and the Bride, a gaffe, an apology on ill matured over grown Babies who think that marriage is determined by the size of ERECTION..

Today we discuss THE BRIDE and the Groom.. First we have to give a literal translation of both Words, so we can understand the concept, usage and where we got it wrong..

Groom.. "prepare or train (someone) for a particular purpose or activity."..

Bride.. Maka nke Nwoke.. 

So the name which provides Groom and Bride stands for GROOMING THE BRIDE.. it said BRIDEGROOM... (THE BRIDE WILL BE GROOMED). 

The simply interpretation is that a Boy should Groom that Lady to make Her a Wife unto man or in simplified terms" Woman "in Igbo it is called Nwanyi in short term but Nwa nyiri anyi in full terminology (Impossible to Tame Child). 

So don't think you can have it easier or get one that is groomed, stored in some House, then you just pick her up like some Wares in a Mart.

GETTING A BRIDE READY is a process, it's like refining Gold, when you get a lump of Gold and stash same in your house, it is a Lump of Charcoal, turn it to Gold and it will  Become a things of inestimable value, but the process of turning Coal to Gold is the Thing, it will go through tough Fire, a situation where even your skin will be scorched, the Blood in your Veins gets to Boiling point, your palms will be on trial too, and blisters that goes with having romantic overture with Fire  can be felt on your palm.

Your head ache, your heart pounds and all aggravates your whole being.. 

While Gooming the Groom, the way she live with you starts from day one, if you choose to have her as one with Extra tenured Finger nails, so she can look like a witch.. Just allow her to carry it on from the get go, if you despise it, let it be the War of the first page, just know that the cost of maintaining or replacing those artificial beauty enhancements falls on you.

If you want her to carry the Lashes of Witches, that initial stage is the place to set it on..Efi Dina na express, dina na akpukpo ya(A Cow that lies on Express is dangering his Hide) 

If you allowed her to dictate the level of money you waste on your traditional Wedding and Church wedding, how she wants litany of Brides maid, how she wants Showers bride to be, how she wants all her friends to come at your expense, how her family will be brought to Venue with Chauffeur driven Rolls, how Hotels will be locked so she can have a befitting wedding, then how she wants a particular musician or Mc to work on her wedding..

Now here is my problem, it is her wedding and your expense, therefore, if it is you that sponsors the shindig, then you cut your coat according to your clothing material available, it is no longer cutting your cloth according to your size, as your size may demand 3 Yards but the material available is 1 Yard, just use the available as alternative, don’t go borrowing because you wants to present a picture of Affluence whereas you are feather weight.. 

Even if your Money is as large as that of OKWUTE NDIGBO, ejiro akpata atufue aba ogaranya, after all, most expensive marriages ends up with expensive divorce.

Are you still with me?..

 Ladies, stop getting angry, I am trying to show you how to live happily ever after...

 What you need in marrage is Love, Unity, Food on the table and money that takes care of your pregnancy, child birth and eventually taking care of your own family, not to live in fears and debtors kicking down your doors, so back to the Boys.

My old man said "He who wears the shoe know where it pinches" but me I say, if I wear shoes and if is pinching, ewelum nya me bathroom slippers (I will turn it to bathroom slippers by matching the back cover flat).

Back in the days, the saying provides"Okenye ji Nga Nga agbalu Efi oso"(An Elder run away from a raging Bull with style, such as He will be running into shrubs while asking Children to follow him to safety) but me, I run like mad while my leg can carry me, I run because I am a student of Ogini the Squirrel that said "instead they will laugh at his carcass embedded in soup Pot of an elderly woman, let them laugh at his escape route to safety).

Every Woman wants a loud wedding just to let her friends know she have arrived, if it warrants to borrow, so she can act large she will assure you that she is ready to manage poverty after spending like idiot for her wedding, they even have lexicon for it "After all wedding is once in a life time", they forgot that Poverty is not once but Perpetuality of life, so it pays to be circumspent.

When a woman tells you "I will manage", she actually mean for now, wait until that episode is over and her Razor tongue comes into play, she will be same to call you Cripple that can't take care of his family, little did she know you can use her for Money Ritual, so you can cure self of that Poverty at the expense of the woman who won't be around to enjoy the windfall.. 

Sorry not windfall but TROUBLED TIMES..

The reason you are Groom is because it is incumbent on you to groom her, not for her to groom you, so if you know what you want, what you can afford, what will make you to always have food on family Table, just do it, she can bark , she can rage, she can throw tantrums but just know that there will always be NETWORK FAILURES but it Last just for a bit.. Don't make your spouse instant happy and make the rest of your life miserable, which also is her life and it drags her parents, relations, siblings alongside and your own as well.. If you don't correct it or work out the ways to stay ahead, you will die untimely and then she will bath up and start wacking the remaining fund, if it is exhausted, she will be available to those who want ladies that are aged with expirience..

Having said the above, I am off but on as I head to the PALACE of ONOWU Ndi Itchi Agu na Nsukka for Nmanya Ututu..

I remain Last Born Mpa Nnukwu, Mkpisi Ndi Egede, Mazi Odera POg JP, A man with Passion for Ndi Nke anyi.